Sia's Coruscant, Monday

[suitably_heroic]

Atton had been extremely tempted to stay at Fandom and maybe never talk to Sia again after leaving her a series of drunken texts a few days before. But that would involve staying at Fandom, a place that at this point wasn't, exactly, doing great things for his emotional stability.

Not that anywhere was. But still.

And so it was that he showed up around noon on Monday, a bag slung over his arm and Pauline the plant in his other hand, trudging up the steps of the palace.

Might as well face the music.

[[ for sia ]]

Comments

[suitably_heroic]

"I think you think you get that," Atton said.

He sagged into a seat.

[notconflicted]

"What am I not understanding, then?" she asked.

[suitably_heroic]

Atton shot her a dry look. Then he ran his fingers through his hair, slumping into the chair.

"You don't know how to be messy," he said. "You ask me those straight-up logical questions like I'm going to cough up a cheat code or something."

[notconflicted]

"I've been messy, and that didn't go well." They didn't talk for a year after that. "Being logical is usually the best way to get an answer."

[suitably_heroic]

"Nothing about my life has ever been logical," Atton retorted. "Made sense? Yeah. Been logical? No karking way."

[notconflicted]

"That's not..." She sighed again. "What do you want from me here?"

[suitably_heroic]

Well, at least that got Atton to look at her.

"I don't want anything from you, Sia," he said quietly. "You're just..."

He let out a long breath.

"All I've got left," he said, grudgingly. "From there, anyway."

[notconflicted]

"I'm not going anywhere, either," she told him. "If we've made it through the things we have, that's not changing."

[suitably_heroic]

"Yeah," Atton said, letting that word sit there for a second.

Then: "Sparkle said that too."

[notconflicted]

"I'm not Sparkle," Sia pointed out. "And I've backed up this statement once or twice and I'm still here."

[suitably_heroic]

"Sia, just stop," Atton snapped.

[notconflicted]

So Sia stopped.

And waited. Trying to figure out what to do here wasn't working, so maybe he'd tell her.

[suitably_heroic]

"Everybody always says they're not going anywhere," Atton said irritably. "You keep firing off these cliché one-liners at me like I'm supposed to believe them coming from you when all the people I've cared about who have ever said that to me went off, and left me behind, or died. Or both! Actually, usually, both. So save me the karking speeches."

He ran a frazzled hand through his hair. "You know how many times Sparkle told me he wasn't going anywhere in the months leading to him up and vanishing on me? A lot. You know how long I've been living with the guy and he didn't go anywhere? A lot of years."

He turned to face her. "And where is he now? Huh? Where's Meetra? Where's Mira? Karking hells, where's Revan? Where's all the friends I had when I was a kid? Not here."

[notconflicted]

Sia listened, frowning slightly, but didn't say anything. Asking questions seemed to stall this out, so she was okay to just hear him out if he had more to get out.

[suitably_heroic]

"Instead, in the end, it's just me," Atton said, "And you know what? I'm fine. I can be just me somewhere on my own. I just have to forget literally everything there is about me to do it."

[notconflicted]

"Do you want to do that?" she asked finally.

[suitably_heroic]

"I don't know, Si."

And with that, he slumped into a chair. "I had a life. Atton Rand had a life. Now? I have no idea."

[notconflicted]

Sia found a seat herself on the edge of the bed.

"You're still Atton, whatever that means to you. Whatever you want that to mean. You have room to figure that out."

[suitably_heroic]

"I've been trying to figure it out for over ten years, Si," Atton said, rubbing his forehead. "Every time I think I've got things figured out..."

[notconflicted]

"Then life happens in the worst way?" Sia said.

[suitably_heroic]

"I let it," Atton said, after a short pause. "I sit back, I let other people define it for me, and when they vanish, I'm somehow always surprised."

[notconflicted]

She paused.

"So anytime I asked you what you would want a situation to look like, and you didn't answer..."

[suitably_heroic]

"I didn't have an answer," Atton said. Shrugging.

[notconflicted]

"Do you want to come up with an answer?" she asked.

[suitably_heroic]

"I don't have an answer for that either," Atton said wryly.