Sia's Coruscant, Monday

[suitably_heroic]

Atton had been extremely tempted to stay at Fandom and maybe never talk to Sia again after leaving her a series of drunken texts a few days before. But that would involve staying at Fandom, a place that at this point wasn't, exactly, doing great things for his emotional stability.

Not that anywhere was. But still.

And so it was that he showed up around noon on Monday, a bag slung over his arm and Pauline the plant in his other hand, trudging up the steps of the palace.

Might as well face the music.

[[ for sia ]]

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[suitably_heroic]

Well, at least that got Atton to look at her.

"I don't want anything from you, Sia," he said quietly. "You're just..."

He let out a long breath.

"All I've got left," he said, grudgingly. "From there, anyway."

[notconflicted]

"I'm not going anywhere, either," she told him. "If we've made it through the things we have, that's not changing."

[suitably_heroic]

"Yeah," Atton said, letting that word sit there for a second.

Then: "Sparkle said that too."

[notconflicted]

"I'm not Sparkle," Sia pointed out. "And I've backed up this statement once or twice and I'm still here."

[suitably_heroic]

"Sia, just stop," Atton snapped.

[notconflicted]

So Sia stopped.

And waited. Trying to figure out what to do here wasn't working, so maybe he'd tell her.

[suitably_heroic]

"Everybody always says they're not going anywhere," Atton said irritably. "You keep firing off these cliché one-liners at me like I'm supposed to believe them coming from you when all the people I've cared about who have ever said that to me went off, and left me behind, or died. Or both! Actually, usually, both. So save me the karking speeches."

He ran a frazzled hand through his hair. "You know how many times Sparkle told me he wasn't going anywhere in the months leading to him up and vanishing on me? A lot. You know how long I've been living with the guy and he didn't go anywhere? A lot of years."

He turned to face her. "And where is he now? Huh? Where's Meetra? Where's Mira? Karking hells, where's Revan? Where's all the friends I had when I was a kid? Not here."

[notconflicted]

Sia listened, frowning slightly, but didn't say anything. Asking questions seemed to stall this out, so she was okay to just hear him out if he had more to get out.

[suitably_heroic]

"Instead, in the end, it's just me," Atton said, "And you know what? I'm fine. I can be just me somewhere on my own. I just have to forget literally everything there is about me to do it."

[notconflicted]

"Do you want to do that?" she asked finally.

[suitably_heroic]

"I don't know, Si."

And with that, he slumped into a chair. "I had a life. Atton Rand had a life. Now? I have no idea."

[notconflicted]

Sia found a seat herself on the edge of the bed.

"You're still Atton, whatever that means to you. Whatever you want that to mean. You have room to figure that out."

[suitably_heroic]

"I've been trying to figure it out for over ten years, Si," Atton said, rubbing his forehead. "Every time I think I've got things figured out..."

[notconflicted]

"Then life happens in the worst way?" Sia said.

[suitably_heroic]

"I let it," Atton said, after a short pause. "I sit back, I let other people define it for me, and when they vanish, I'm somehow always surprised."

[notconflicted]

She paused.

"So anytime I asked you what you would want a situation to look like, and you didn't answer..."

[suitably_heroic]

"I didn't have an answer," Atton said. Shrugging.

[notconflicted]

"Do you want to come up with an answer?" she asked.

[suitably_heroic]

"I don't have an answer for that either," Atton said wryly.

[notconflicted]

There was a tiny flash if a smile at that before she turned serious again.

"I don't know how helpful this is, but you do have a place here. Whether you decide you want an answer or not, you at least have support in it."

[suitably_heroic]

"I know."

Atton finally snuck a glance her way.

"Sorry. I wasn't trying to say I don't appreciate the fact you're letting me be here."

[notconflicted]

"I know," she nodded. "This isn't easy for you. I'm aware that's an understatement."

[suitably_heroic]

"I still hear the witch in my head sometimes," Atton said slowly. "Except this time, I'm pretty sure it really is just me talking."

[notconflicted]

"And what's she saying?"

She wasn't sure she'd tell her, but she figured there was a reason he brought her up.

[suitably_heroic]

"That I don't know how to be me," Atton said, sounding a little far away. "That I'm drowning when I don't have anyone to point the way. That it would be very easy to reinvent myself as an Imperial Knight, swear my loyalty to you, and that's that."