Atton's Apartment, Manhattan, New York City, Thursday Afternoon

[suitably_heroic]

You know, Atton was finally starting to get into a rhythm with this life, a daily and weekly routine. It hadn't saved him from careening past an episode of... something... last week, but now that the reality of the potentially-long stretch of life in front of him had settled in-- well, it at least kept his sanity intact.

End of the week was usually Lana time. They'd spent some time earlier that day sparring in the band's practice space. It'd been a good workout.

But now he was home, holding the door open for Lana to come on in. "You're welcome to grab a shower, if you want."

[[ expecting one, but as always open for messages and phone calls ]]

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[unusual_sith]

"Isn't it?" Lana asked. "You've found out something about yourself, and you've also found something that makes you happy! Those are good things!"

[suitably_heroic]

"Yeah, but I'd say it's not 'finding a new hobby'," Atton said wryly. "It's figuring me out that's the weird part."

By weird he meant 'good'.

[unusual_sith]

“Only if you think you’re weird. Which honestly I have no standards by which to judge,” Lana answered with a laugh.

[suitably_heroic]

"Definitely less weird than you," Atton decided, sitting back.

Trying to relax a fraction.

[unusual_sith]

“Oh, now I have to hear these criteria.” Lana settled in and turned toward him. “Go on. How am I weirder?”

[suitably_heroic]

"Well, for one, for someone from our universe, you are freakishly calm and well-adjusted," Atton said.

[unusual_sith]

Lana laughed. "There are other well-adjusted people in our galaxy!" she protested. "All right, but go on. Tell you what, if I like your arguments enough, takeout's on me."

[suitably_heroic]

"And they're all freaks!"

Atton needed to assert this!

He took another sip of his drink. "Now, the whole 'born and raised as a Sith, just kind of sauntered to Camp Do-Gooder' thing is also weird enough," he said. "But how many times have you been shot or stabbed or exploded at this point?"

[unusual_sith]

"I never sauntered anywhere." Lana sniffed. "I've always done what I felt was right. When I had the option, anyway."

She thought about the other question. "Are we counting shot at, nearly stabbed, and barely escaped an explosion?"

[suitably_heroic]

"Sure," Atton said. "Let's throw in dead or grievously wounded friends and family, while we're at it."

[unusual_sith]

"My parents died a few years ago, in the Zakuulan attacks on Dromund Kaas," Lana answered, subdued but not grieving. "I lost most of the other acolytes in my class in our trials. And Darth Marr - I would count him a colleague I had great respect for, if not precisely a friend. His death was certainly a blow."

She shook her head. "As far as injuries, I've got plenty of burns from near-misses and glancing blows with sabers or blaster fire. Been knocked out a few times. Got a nasty stab in the shoulder from a Knight of Zakuul once; went right through my armor. And I've escaped several exploding or crashing shuttles, usually when the Commander is piloting." Seriously, their shuttle budget was ridiculous.

[suitably_heroic]

"Well, there you go," Atton said. "You're way too well adjusted for someone who had all of that happen to her."

He eyed her.

"Sometimes you're downright perky."

[unusual_sith]

"How is that freakish?" Lana asked, throwing her hands up in bemused bafflement. "It hurt when it happened, or when I found out about it, and I used it to fuel my rage and my fighting. I used it against the things that did that or would do that to others, and that helped. When it no longer hurts and fuels me, I let it go, because what's the point?"

[suitably_heroic]

"You realize a lot of people can't actually get to that last part, right?"

Like Atton! Atton was people!

[unusual_sith]

"I do, yes," Lana answered. "I'm not saying it's not a struggle for me sometimes, too. I just keep at it. I'm not any better, I'm just stubborn." She took a deep breath and let it out. "I watched an entire planet, full of people and life, turned to ash in a minute. I felt it. I still have nightmares about it. But I won't let that stop me from doing what's needed."

She didn't talk about Ziost much, though. Not even with the others who'd been there.

[suitably_heroic]

Atton's eyebrows shot up.

"When Malachor happened, it turned an entire army's worth of Force sensitives to the Dark Side," he said quietly.

[unusual_sith]

"I've never been to the system," Lana said. "Though excavations have been done safely in my time. If it feels anything like Ziost does or Nathema did, I'm surprised anybody emerged sane."

[suitably_heroic]

"I don't know how you got out of that with just nightmares," Atton said, watching her. "I-- can do a lot of excavation on myself, but I'm never going to know who I would've been if--"

So much death.

[unusual_sith]

"I don't honestly know, either," Lana said. "I just kept going. I was probably a bit numb for a while, but there was so much to do, I had plenty to channel it into. I imagine anyone I had to interrogate back then still has nightmares, too."

[suitably_heroic]

Atton stared at his mostly-empty glass.

"I just wanted to die," he said.

[unusual_sith]

"I felt responsible," Lana answered quietly. "I was down on the surface, working against him. I thought we had won. We were on the shuttle station when it started."

[suitably_heroic]

"What happened?"

Atton's voice had gone so quiet, it was barely a breath.

[unusual_sith]

"Vitiate," Lana answered, staring at the far side of the room. "The former Emperor. He drowned the capital in aggressive energy, had people killing each other violently. He was feeding off it. The Republic sent in troops, and he took them over, too. It was a catastrophic mess. We evacuated who we could, we knocked out the Jedi he'd possessed that was key to it, we sent electric shocks out through the city to break his hold. We stopped it. Then we left. We dared to breathe. And he killed the planet. Drained the life and the Force from it to sustain himself."

[suitably_heroic]

"How far away were you?" Atton asked.

He wanted to feel some kind of shock about it.

But that part of his soul had been numbed for good by Malachor V.

[unusual_sith]

"In orbit." Lana took a moment to massage her temples. "You could see the line of destruction pass over the planet, going from green and blue and white and brown to...nothing but grey."