Atton's Apartment, Manhattan, New York City, Thursday Afternoon

[suitably_heroic]

You know, Atton was finally starting to get into a rhythm with this life, a daily and weekly routine. It hadn't saved him from careening past an episode of... something... last week, but now that the reality of the potentially-long stretch of life in front of him had settled in-- well, it at least kept his sanity intact.

End of the week was usually Lana time. They'd spent some time earlier that day sparring in the band's practice space. It'd been a good workout.

But now he was home, holding the door open for Lana to come on in. "You're welcome to grab a shower, if you want."

[[ expecting one, but as always open for messages and phone calls ]]

Comments

[suitably_heroic]

"Decent play for a short-term problem," Atton noted. "But you can't keep that up for months or years on end."

He wasn't the person to be jokey with about lying and fake identities. He'd lived too many of them, and often at the threat of serious harm if the facade broke.

[unusual_sith]

"True," Lana admitted. "I'd imagine you want to say as little as possible, honestly. Unfortunately, people who'd rather not speak about their past are universal."

[suitably_heroic]

"Doesn't even have to be that," Atton noted. "That might interest some people, too." He shrugged. "The trick is to seem just unpleasant and shallow enough that someone thinks: you know, I don't want to know. If they're not interested in you, be a creep. If they're interested in you, tell them you're not in whatever they are. That kind of thing."

He reached to pluck an imaginary piece of fluff from his genes.

"If vanishing into the crowd is the kind of thing you want, anyway," he said. "I guess that's the big change between me now and me at 23."

[unusual_sith]

"Not planning on vanishing anymore?" Lana smiled. "Past the obvious."

[suitably_heroic]

"Trying to do the opposite," Atton said wryly. "Trying to figure out who I am without constantly thinking about how my behavior affects whether other people pay attention and how."

[unusual_sith]

"That sounds...really difficult," Lana admitted. "How is it going so far?"

[suitably_heroic]

"I mean, a good reflex is hard to kill."

Atton thought about saying something else. Reconsidered it. Thought about it again. Sighed, and got up.

"Would you like a drink?"

He'd get to it in a sec.

[unusual_sith]

This sounded serious.

"Why not?" Lana said, making the effort to keep things light enough to be unthreatening. "What have you got?"

[suitably_heroic]

Not that serious, unless you meant in some small, private, interpersonal way.

"Lemonade, water, fancy soda?" Atton offered, as he walked into the kitchen. "Don't ask me what kind of fancy soda."

[unusual_sith]

"If you're not sure of that, I'll take the lemonade, thank you," Lana said. Fancy soda sounded like something Dane might be saving.

[suitably_heroic]

Atton grabbed the lemonade from the fridge. Might as well pour one for both of them.

"...We're working on it," he said, eventually, mid-pour, hoping futilly that it'd be muffled. "You know. With Dane. Since we're sort of some kind of dating or whatever."

Yes, he knew she'd been hinting about it for weeks. No, that didn't make it easier to bring it up.

[unusual_sith]

Yes, but Lana wasn't going to gloat. Much.

"Are you? Good for you. It helps to have people with you, I've found. If only so they can kick you when you do something awful. Hopefully metaphorically."

[suitably_heroic]

Atton snorted. He poured a glass. "It does help," he said, "If they decide to stick around, anyway."

And the next glass.

[unusual_sith]

"Well, relationship or no, you are in a band together," Lana pointed out. "That's a commitment."

[suitably_heroic]

"I've had a lot of people commit to things out loud to me," Atton said vaguely.

He returned to the living room with both glasses in hand. He held one out for her.

"I'm just trying," he said.

To not expect the worst. To not assume he'd screw it up. To not put Dane on a pedestal.

[unusual_sith]

Lana took her glass and sipped from it.

"Kanan, my first Jedi teacher, once told me that there was a master who insisted there was no such thing as trying, only doing. It stuck with me." She paused for another sip. "Mostly because of what rubbish it was. Trying is all anybody can do."

[suitably_heroic]

"Yeah, we're about five steps away from 'doing' anything here anyway."

Okay, someone might still be twitchy about some comments Summer had made.

He sat back down on the sofa. "I don't know. It's good so far. It's just-- complicated-- for me, doing this at all."

[unusual_sith]

"I have absolutely no interest in knowing about that part," Lana said.

"I'm pretty sure it's complicated for everyone, even without the ridiculous number of extra complications you've got," she pointed out. "All you can do is keep trying."

[suitably_heroic]

"I'm grateful," Atton said.

Because the comments from Summer were way, way, way more than enough.

"But yeah, frankly the fact I'm not on one of the moons of Jupiter right now is character growth," he said, and took a sip of his lemonade. "I'm just clinging to that."

[unusual_sith]

"I think I remember going to Jupiter for class once," Lana said. "It has very nice moons, but Earth is more conducive to human life. And I for one am glad to see you here."

[suitably_heroic]

"Trying," Atton said. He lowered his drink again. "It's just. It's-- nice."

Ugh. There was that word again.

"Last weekend was nice," he said. "Most days are nice, too."

Ugggh.

"Which is weird," he settled on, finally, "Because it used to be that most days I was just tired."

[unusual_sith]

"Nice is better than tired," Lana agreed, nodding gravely. "Maybe someday you'll get as far as 'good'!"

[suitably_heroic]

Atton snorted. "Woah, woah, let's not go nuts," he said dryly, shooting her a wry look.

[unusual_sith]

"Right." Lana nodded. "Taking it slow. Good is a far-off objective."

[suitably_heroic]

Atton nodded.

Then he shook his head.

Then he let out a little laugh.

"Space, I like camping," he said.