MCA #4, Monday Afternoon

[suitably_heroic]

At the start of the year, Atton had slipped up and made a mistake. And then he'd made that mistake about a hundred times worse by not handling it well, and he'd known he wasn't handling it well, but-- look. He wasn't known for handling anything well.

Least of all mistakes that, just one universe of possibilities over, might not have been a mistake at all but the start of something good.

But he'd already lost one friend for good. Losing another one to his own karking insane levels of dysfunctionality was, he was beginning to realize, a stupid idea. And so on Monday afternoon he settled down on the couch, and summoned all of his courage, and called.

"...Please don't pick up someone please walk in right now something..."

... baby steps.

[[ open, but expecting one. ]]

Comments

[notconflicted]

Sia was aboard a ship today, luckily (?) between things that would take her attention, and in her quarters where she had access to her phone and time to see who was calling and wonder if she wanted to answer it.

Which lasted about a second, since she figured if Atton was actually calling her there was a good reason. She even managed to keep that note of doubt out of her voice when she said, "Hello."

[suitably_heroic]

And that would have been the sound of Atton Rand realizing he hadn't actually thought of anything to say to her.

Poodoo.

"Hi, Si," he said weakly. "Is this a bad time? I can call some other time, that's fine."

[notconflicted]

"I have some time," she said, keeping it vague in case an out was needed for either of them. "Is everything all right?"

She wouldn't assume he was calling just to say hi.

[suitably_heroic]

"Uh... Mira's dead."

A stark fact he'd been trying really hard not to tell anyone, but on the phone with Sia, he was helpless thinking about anything else to bring up.

It was, on so many levels, why he was calling.

[notconflicted]

That was unexpected. Sia had liked her, too, which was impressive when Mira used to talk about collecting bounties even on her self.

"I'm so sorry," she said, and knowing better than to ask if he was okay, asked, "What happened?"

[suitably_heroic]

"We were on a mission to take out these smugglers who were using Dark Side technology to fuel this ancient battleship," Atton said. "Using people as batteries."

He ran his fingers through his hair.

"We got into a fight with them," he said. "I went to save the latest batch of batteries, she went up to the cockpit... she must've hit self-destruct..."

He didn't know. He hadn't been there.

That bugged him, too.

[notconflicted]

"So that answers the question of how you're doing," she said. Despite the last however long, she still knew him.

[suitably_heroic]

Atton sighed. With anyone else he might have protested, but the nexu was clearly out of the bag.

"She blew me out the airlock," he said lightly. "Can't say I can recommend the cold of space as a travel destination."

[notconflicted]

Okay, now she actually had to ask.

"Wait, are you okay?"

[suitably_heroic]

"I've had my kolto bath, don't worry about it," Atton said, sucking in a sharp breath.

Poodoo. The last thing he needed was for Mira-related feelings to come into this already-difficult conversation.

[notconflicted]

"Good."

But then, after a moment, she had to probably make it worse. "Did you call just to let me know about Mira?"

[suitably_heroic]

Poodoo.

"...No," said Atton, with all the bravery in his body. "I, uh. Wanted to apologize. You know. For the, uh, stuff."

[notconflicted]

"...The stuff?"

She honestly wasn't sure what he meant, partly because she hadn't thought he ever would apologize.

[suitably_heroic]

"I might not have been the best friend for the past, uh..."

It spoke to how difficult this was that Atton actually had to pause and calculate.

"...Eight months."

[notconflicted]

Sia really had not expected this from her day at all.

"You haven't really been around at all for the past eight months," she did after a moment.

[suitably_heroic]

"That's kind of what I was getting at," Atton said.

[notconflicted]

"You could have been getting at how when you have been around, you've been kind of a jerk."

She said it nicely, but it wasn't like she wasn't still hurt over it.

[suitably_heroic]

Long pause.

"Yeah, that's also what I was getting at," Atton said. "The whole... thing."

[notconflicted]

"Does this mean you're intending to be around again?"

Seriously, did not expect this today.

[suitably_heroic]

"If you're okay with that," Atton said, after a long pause. "Not that I didn't like Vitor calling me, but..."

[notconflicted]

"I'm sorry, what was that?" Maybe she should start looking at her outgoing calls.

[suitably_heroic]

"He called me a few months ago," Atton said smoothly. "Your pooch is still cute. From a distance, anyway."

[notconflicted]

"I'm never forgetting you said that," she said wryly. "He thinks you're his best friend."

To be fair, Vitor thought that about everyone.

[suitably_heroic]

"He's a dog, he thinks everybody is his best friend," Atton said, pulling a face.

[notconflicted]

"He doesn't call everyone," she said, and added, "At least I hope he doesn't."

[suitably_heroic]

"I'd check your phone if I were you," said Atton, well aware he couldn't be on this safe territory forever but clinging to it anyway.

[notconflicted]

There was a pause as Sia checked just that, but it wasn't like she was using this phone much these days.

"Just you. Feel special."

[suitably_heroic]

"I do," Atton said. "I guess that dog really loves me, huh? Well, he still smells bad. So there."

[notconflicted]

"That sounds more like what I'm used to," she said. Which was sort of a relief, in a way. "So... What got you to call?"

[suitably_heroic]

And back to the serious topic.

Ah, well. Atton had known it couldn't last.

"I don't want to lose another friend," he said, "And that's me being completely honest with you."

For once.

[notconflicted]

"Good," she said slowly. "I didn't either."

[suitably_heroic]

"So... I'm sorry," Atton said again. "I screwed us up for no good reason and I'd rather say that now than at your funeral."

[notconflicted]

"You did. But it's nothing we can't come back from." It might take her a bit to get entirely comfortable again, but maybe that was a good thing. "And for what it's worth, I'm sorry for... starting it all."

[suitably_heroic]

"You know you've made one hell of a screw-up when a beautiful empress apologizes for jumping you," Atton said, after one more of those pauses.

[notconflicted]

"Well, you didn't want to be around me for eight months afterwards. It warrants an apology," she said.

It was best not to talk about the reasons why she thought that'd happened, probably.

[suitably_heroic]

The fact most of the actual reasons came down to Atton's screwed-up brain made that the apology felt off. He winced. "I wasn't looking for one," he said.

[notconflicted]

"You got it anyway," she said.

[suitably_heroic]

"Okay," Atton said, and scratched the back of his neck. "Thanks, I guess."

He knew he was a living disaster area. He just usually got to ignore just how much of a disaster he really was.

"I probably owe you a drink."

[notconflicted]

"I'd say you owe me several," she agreed.

[suitably_heroic]

"Come see me if you can get away from empressing sometime soon," Atton said.

Space, he hoped he wasn't making a mistake here all over again.

[notconflicted]

There was a really long pause, and for a split second she thought about telling him to go there instead, but that was too close to how things had been before.

"When's good? I can usually time visits along with my travel schedule, as long as someone can cover for me."

And then if it was weird, she could leave.

[suitably_heroic]

"I work Caritas on Sunday, but otherwise my schedule is wide-open," Atton said. "I took a break from Jedi-ing."

He wasn't sure how long he could afford to be on a break, considering. Still.

[notconflicted]

"All right," she said. "I'll see what I can manage. If nothing else, there's always homecoming."

No pressure.

[suitably_heroic]

Atton nodded slowly. "We'll see," he echoed. "Let me know, all right?"

[notconflicted]

"I will. And I'm glad you called."

That was completely honest, too. Maybe it might still be weird for a while, maybe it wouldn't, but it was a start.