A Music Venue in Brooklyn, Sunday Evening

[suitably_heroic]

Yes, Jack believed all the Force users in the multiverse could use a few lessons in doing normal people things more often. He had frequently coerced, wheedled, and poked several of them into it over the years. But this? Making Lana Beniko, ex-Sith spymaster, man the merch booth?

Had to be his greatest achievement.

It maybe gave a little extra oomph to his performance that evening.

It was also when, after they were done, one of the first things he did was haul his sweaty ass back to the merch stand. "Sooo," he said, grinning. "How are we doing?"

[[ for a lana ]]

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[suitably_heroic]

"As spicy as you want to make it," Jack said. Amused, he added: "What, scared?"

[unusual_sith]

"Just curious," Lana said. "I enjoy spicy food; I'm not a heathen."

[suitably_heroic]

"They have spicy sauces and not so spicy sauces," Jack clarified. "You know, in case you get more adventurous as you go along."

[unusual_sith]

"Or I burn my mouth on the first one and have to ramp down," Lana said. "Either way, it sounds good."

She was silent for a moment as they walked.

"I admit I see the appeal of this city," she said after a minute. "Earth is like an entire galaxy of cultures on one planet, and New York is a microcosm of it. A concentrated dose."

[suitably_heroic]

"Exactly."

Jack's mouth formed into a smile against his will. It showed up in that one word, too.

He shook his head, as if trying to dispell it. Failing. He sighed. "Cade kept dumping on it," he said. "Kept calling it a mid-sized town on a backwards mudball."

Had he been working on an angry song about it? Maybe.

[unusual_sith]

Lana rolled her eyes. "Would he rather Nar Shaddaa? It's large and less backward, and has less mud, but given a choice, I'll take the option with fewer hutts and a bit of actual sunlight."

[suitably_heroic]

Uncharacteristically, Jack remained silent for a long few steps along the sidewalk.

"He thinks I'm running away," he said finally. "Makes the hair on the back of my neck itch."

[unusual_sith]

Lana shook her head. "You're leaving an unhealthy situation. That's not running away, that's smart. Certainly smarter than escaping it by drugging yourself into oblivion." She held up a hand. "He's a grown man, it's his decision, I just don't think he should be throwing stones."

[suitably_heroic]

"Oh, I finally snapped and told him to stop running from his own problems," Jack muttered. "I don't know why it's stuck with me since then, though."

[unusual_sith]

"Because it's something you worry about yourself," Lana pointed out. Obviously. "But it's not true, so you can stop."

As if it was that easy, but hopefully hearing it would at least help.

[suitably_heroic]

"Thanks," Jack said dryly, "I hadn't thought of that."

[unusual_sith]

"You're welcome," Lana answered cheekily. "Tell me it didn't help hearing it from someone else."

[suitably_heroic]

"My brain likes to be contrarian," Jack muttered.

He ran his fingers through his hair. "Ugh. Stupid Jedi stuff, getting in my head."

[unusual_sith]

"It tends to do that, I've noticed. Not just you, I mean." She nudged him with her shoulder. "I think it's designed to."

[suitably_heroic]

"Designed, I dunno," Jack muttered. "Insidious, yes."

[unusual_sith]

"Recognizing it is half the battle," Lana said. "The other half is realizing when it's true and when it's just..." she debated for a moment, then went with the Earth version, "bullshit."

[suitably_heroic]

Jack took in a deep breath.

"There's just been a lot of people," he said, "Who put their lives on the line-- who gave up their lives-- to save mine. And I know all the therapy stuff and the 'you were destroying yourself' and the 'avoiding confronting my trauma through acts of self-endangerment', blah blah, but I still wonder sometimes if I'm wasting all of that by spending that life dicking around with instruments for one, two hundred people a night."

[unusual_sith]

"It's your life," Lana said. "They fought to save it so you could have this. So you could do what you want to. You should want it for yourself, of course, but if it helps, what do you think they'd want for you?"

[suitably_heroic]

"I always assumed to go do some Jedi stuff," Jack said. "Or soldier stuff, before. Or... stuff."

[unusual_sith]

"Well, you are definitely doing 'stuff'," Lana said.

[suitably_heroic]

"Not Jedi stuff," Jack said wryly. "And as sweet as it feels to think about this as some kind of 'giving me a chance at life', most of the people I'm thinking about were Jedi."

He shook his head. "Now my instinct is to tell myself: think about Sparkle. Sparkle would find it way more important that I get my shit together than that I go run around saving starving orphans. But my therapist says that's a--" He lifted his hands for air-quotes, "--'reinforces my habit of seeking moral reassurance outside of myself' or whatever, so I'm supposed to stop doing it."

[unusual_sith]

"Isn't looking to the Jedi the same thing?" Lana asked.

[suitably_heroic]

"Yes, obviously," Jack said. "But I already know that that's stupid. Doesn't stop me doing it, but still. It's finding out that the stuff that seems good isn't actually great for me either that makes therapy such a trip."

[unusual_sith]

"Ah." Lana nodded. "That makes sense." She thought about it. "Is it that it's like a crutch - good at first, but you need to learn to walk without it?"

[suitably_heroic]

"Never good," Jack said wryly. "It's actually part of my damage. I have this thought lodged in my head that I'm not worth anything unless I live up to someone else's lofty expectations." He eyed the road ahead of them. "Space, telling you this is ruining my entire image as a badass who doesn't care."