MCA #4, Monday Morning

[suitably_heroic]

Okay, Atton couldn't say he was wild about finding out that Sparkle had some issues regarding him not being around from Sparkle's nosy boyfriend instead of Sparks himself. He'd make a point out of getting grumpy about it some time after the whole thing got fixed.

For now, he'd informed Mical that he could take care of the three-day diplomatic event by himself, he was a trained diplomat and Atton most pointedly was not. That left him with some time to hang around the island, talk to Sparkle a little, get the worst settled, the works.

That was the plan, anyway.

Waking up on Monday morning with an itch in the back of his head that bounced off of an awakening itch all over the island? That had not been in the plans.

"Oh, space," he grumbled, as he stood in the kitchen and the first hit of coffee smacked him upside the head. "Please just be last night's meatloaf."

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[myownface]

Sparkle gave a small huff of a sigh in reply to that, shoulders bunching up while he reached for a mug.

"I had a bad brain day earlier in the week," he muttered. "The island stupid got to me. I know better than to let it get to me. It's fine."

It kinda wasn't, but pfft, like Sparkle would ever make this easy.

[suitably_heroic]

Atton let out a loud sigh, and took a sip of his coffee. "I told Mical where to stick his latest diplomatic deployment, so I'm here until Wednesday. Which, going by how I'm feeling this morning, maybe wasn't the greatest show of timing in the world, but since you're here actively trying to lie to a Jedi, I'm still glad I did."

[myownface]

Sparkle turned the poutiest pout he could muster in Atton's direction at that. Mostly because, look, lying was kind of his thing, and getting busted in the act was a fast way to take the wind out of those sails.

He ducked his head and took a moment to pour his coffee.

"Okay, knock that last bit off, then."

And run a Sharpie over the rest, and then pad it out with a million stupid personal issues, and...

He reached a hand up to scrub at his face.

[suitably_heroic]

"Better," Atton said, leaning back against the counter. Watching Sparkle for a moment. "Look, when I got back on board the Jedi train, I didn't think I'd be gone this much. Without Mira, I'm running around working overtime and I haven't had much of a time to stop and think about anything else."

That was the rub, there, when your drive to work got amplified through a lens of way too much guilt.

"Apparently somewhere along the way I checked out on you and it's messing with you. We can play the avoiding game with that, and trust me, that's my comfort zone too, you know that better than anybody. But you're one of maybe two people in this galaxy I think are worth getting over myself for, so..."

Even worth sitting down on that kneejerk 'but don't tell anyone I said that' that bubbled up in Atton's throat.

[myownface]

"I know you've been busy," Sparkle muttered. "That's part of the reason I've been sucking it up. Like. That was..."

It was rough. It had been ugly, and there had been the better part of several months where Sparkle wasn't sure Atton was going to pull through his own shit without adding a helping of Sparkle's same-old-same-old crap on top for flavour.

"It's not just you, you know? There's stuff. There's always stuff."

[suitably_heroic]

"Then talk to me about it," Atton said. "Call me, stop by the bar, I don't care. I mean, I'm gonna try to be around more in general, because this is on me, too, but space, Sparks. You need some of my time, I'll make time, you know?"

[myownface]

"I know," Sparkle sighed. "I know. It's just..."

He flailed one hand around a bit. The other was occupied with coffee.

"It's my shit. And, like. There's a lot of it, and it's not easy and I mean, I." He paused. Frowned. "Remember that one stupid future the island showed us where you had your shit together and I was some kind of interdimensional disaster man?"

[suitably_heroic]

"Yeah, that was weird," Atton said, and sipped his coffee.

[myownface]

"I don't wanna be that guy," Sparkle replied. He bit the inside of his cheek and added, "I mean, I'm in this stupid place where I start looking forward and what's behind me keeps biting me in the ass when I'm not expecting it and that guy is... like... everything I'm going to be if I don't get my shit together. You know?"

[suitably_heroic]

"I get it," Atton said, considering his coffee. "I mean, not that I've ever thought I had my life back on rails and something from the past showed up and dragged me back to a hellish Hutt-planet where I wasted the next space-knows-how-many-years of my life..."

[myownface]

"Hey, Nar Shaddaa is great if you like piss and tetanus," Sparkle replied. "But, yeah. I figured you'd get that part."

He squirmed a little, anyway.

"I'm really good at running away from shit, I guess. Doesn't matter how easy it is to fix."

[suitably_heroic]

"I guess my story did end with a hot Jedi in her underwear," Atton mused, "But details."

Well, it hadn't ended there, but. Details.

"I don't think you're going to end up back there, though. I get this two steps forward, one step back poodoo keeps throwing you for a loop, but if where you used to be is Baltimore, where you are now is like..."

He paused. Space, he knew Earth geography! Um...

"...Milwaukee."

[myownface]

"I don't even know where Milwaukee is," Sparkle noted, smiling crookedly. "Which I guess fits. I don't know where I'm at half the time, either."

He finally, finally took a mouthful of coffee. Made a bit of a face. It needed roughly three cups more sugar in it.

"I, um, I might've started looking into, like, lawyers, though."

So, that was a thing.

[suitably_heroic]

"...Lawyers," Atton echoed.

[myownface]

"Lawwwyers," Sparkle agreed in a drawl. And then looked back at his coffee, awkwardly. "I'm tired of letting it bite me in the ass all the time. I want it gone."

[suitably_heroic]

"Hoping to get the charges thrown out?" Atton said. "Because I'm still a firm 'no' on anything that ends in you going to prison."

[myownface]

Sparkle nodded at that. A lot. Kind of a little desperately.

"Yeah, prison and I don't get along." Which was sort of the point of it, granted. "But, like... I was Lew's ward and he came out to the media talking about our unconsummated love affair and there's got to be... something? I mean." He swallowed. "Hernando called it 'grooming.'"

Which was a weird fucking word to use in relation to himself. But he figured Atton would be the last guy in the world to be like, 'nah, Lew was a better guy than that,' or anything.

[suitably_heroic]

"I mean, yeah," Atton said easily. He brought up his cup, took a sip. "That's pretty much what he did. Still mad I haven't punched him."

[myownface]

"I mean, depending on where this goes, you might still get your-" Don't say 'Chance,' don't say 'Chance,' "-opportunity."

Nailed it.

"Depending. On that."

Oh hey look Sparkle's insides were getting all twisty.

[suitably_heroic]

"You want a human shield between you and that guy at all times?" Atton said. "Because, I mean, it's going to take some effort, but I think I can do 'belligerent' if I really push myself..."

[myownface]

"You? But you're always so much sweetness and sunshine," Sparkle snarked, but there was a wave of relief under there that was kind of threatening to reach up and strangle him. "I mean. I mean I mean--"

Deep breath.

"I mean," he said, this time more slowly, and a little shakily, "yeah." And that sounded smaller than he cared for it to sound. But there it was. "Yeah. I can't do this without the risk of seeing him again and I can't. I can't, you know? I want to get on with my life and for years everything has hinged on Lewis fucking Chance in one way or another and I can't let everything I want to do keep getting shut down because I can't move past that. I didn't even get to tell him to fuck off because he walked away."

[suitably_heroic]

"So if you have to deal with him, you get me as a bodyguard," Atton said easily. "Maybe glower from the right while your boyfriend does his angry lecturing shtick from the left..."

He drained his cup of coffee.

"Hope you get to tell him to fuck off, though."

[myownface]

"Hope so," Sparkle replied. And then he stared into his coffee for a minute. "If what he was doing is what people keep telling me he was doing, I'd settle for sending his ass to prison in my place, though."

It had been a strange process, coming around from free-floating anger and hurt to a realization that there had been some manner of abuse in amongst all of that. And here he'd been just filing it away under, 'sure people suck but I fucked up, that tracks, that's generally the way of it.'

[suitably_heroic]

"Bet that'd be satisfying, too," Atton said, putting his cup down.

[myownface]

"He wouldn't get to do it to anyone else," Sparkle murmured, shrugging. Eyes on the floor. "Dunno if he'd want to, but maybe? And I hate that maybe. I hate maybe and I--"

He reached a hand up and scrubbed at his face again.

"I wanna go into legitimate business someday. I wanna be able to go to the mainland without being afraid I'm gonna get busted and deported. I mean, maybe not any time soon, but someday I might wanna adopt kids or something and I can't do any of this shit and I wanna be better and I've just accepted all of that worry as something I deserve, and, fuck, maybe I do. My hands aren't clean, I do stupid shit when I get hurt, I get that, but I can't move past that when it keeps haunting me and then we get shit like this, where I have this floating anxiety in my chest I can't chase out and I let it chew on itself until I feel like I'm gonna die."